My grandmother keeps insisting that my 2 month old daughter is not having her hunger satisfied when I nurse her. My daughter does nurse frequently. However, I have PLENTY of milk and I think a lot of her nursing is for the sake of comfort. I have no problem with this. I feed her on demand and she can eat as often as she wishes, she is perfectly healthy. My grandma insists that I must supplement with formula because she claims my daughter is fussy because she never has a full belly. How can I GENTLY tell grandma to back off?

I would just tell her that your daughter's doctor is perfectly happy with her health and weight gain. It is TOUGH with older female relatives who had 'been there, done that." If she keeps up, you either have to grin and bear it or nicely tell her that you are the parent and you make the decisions about your daughter.

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Sister,
I had something similar to this going on with my MIL. It wasn't about feeding, it was just that she would "take over" whenever she came, almost as if she needed to take care of my son because I obviously couldn't do it. I finally resolved it by just sitting her down and telling her "this is OUR child, and we are perfectly capable of raising him", etc. She actually apologized and told me she didn't realize she had been doing it, it was just instinct.

I would explain to your grandmother that some babies only eat a little at a time, which requires them to eat more often. But supplementing your baby if your doctor doesn't think it's needed can actually cause more problems. Your baby could not only have more problems with gas, but her iron levels could get too high, since most formulas are made high in iron to support a strictly formula fed child. Just my two cents. Good luck.

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Tigriz
Mom to Alex - 1/21/06

Gentle, but firm. You are the mother and if there were any concern about her weight, your pediatrician/doctor would have addressed it with you by now. Maybe you should point out to her that not only are you satisified but your doctor is as well.

It's hard sometimes to tell relatives to ease up on the advice. I would just tell gramdma gently that your daughter is fine, her weight is normal, and you're perfectly content that she is growing well.

Yes, it's definately difficult to deal with the relatives. My mother used to try and elbow me out of caring for my daughter all the time... I was feeding her enough or I was feeding her to much, I shouldn't pick her up when she cries or she'll get spoiled and cry all the time, I was a bad mommy because I only brought 4 bibs when I should have brought 5. You know the type.

In the end, I sat her down and talked to her; I told her that, while I appreciated her advice, that she made me feel incapable and unfit by making comments like that, and that I had to do some of the stuff on my own. Yeah, she was unhappy for a bit but she did back off.

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I don't think there is any easy way to tell grandma to back off. You either listen, ignore, or tell them to back off . Just wait until she starts telling you things like "that childs feet won't be right if you don't put shoes on him." (my husband and I actually heard this one about our first son when he was six months old).

I would like to tell you its a generational things, but even ladies my age give me "advice" about what is and isn't right for MY child. I've learned to smile and say something like "you know, I think I've heard something like that before." Acknowledging them usually gets them to back away. Notice I didn't say I followed their advice though. What they don't know won't hurt them.

Yes, it is very hard to essentially tell people to back off and let you handle your baby. If you don't see her often, I think it would be better just to let it slide. But if it's really bothering you, just let her know that you and her doctor are happy with how things are going, but you really appreciate her advice.