Unwanted Advice

[Tigriz]

Has anyone had this? I have friends who repeatedly offer me advice on how to take care of my son. I've lost count of how many people tell me to just let Alex cry when I put him down. The only time he does this though is when we're somewhere he's unfamiliar with. How do I explain to these people that I know my son best and I know the difference between an I'm tired cry and an I'm scared cry?

[jaescafe]

Oh my goodness. I do know exactly what you mean. No one knows your child like you do and you know what is best. My mom ran a day care for years and always was telling me to let them cry or other advice. I love her, but she just didn't know what was best for my babies in my opinion.

[Melos]

Just tell them, I guess, in as nice a tone as you possibly can. I tend to think its just an unfortunate side effect of being a mom... people (especially older women) think they know everything and younger moms must know nothing.

[Tigriz]

LOL Melos, your reply made me think about when we first brought Alex home. My MIL INSISTED he be bundled up all day long. And by bundled I mean two layers and a thick blanket all the time. My husband and I constantly fought with her over it, because Alex was regulating his own temperature by that time, and was actually extremely hot natured. He would sweat until he got heat rash across his back from all the layers. Finally I just had to get a little snippy with her and put my foot down.
We later figured it out. My husband was born in Michigan, so his mother only knew to keep the baby bundled up as warm as possible through the cold Michigan winters!

[kelkat]

I think that with birth classes they should explain to you that everyone (including the bus driver, cab driver, traffic cop, stranger at the corner, waitress . . .) will tell you how to take care of your baby. Just be prepared. You get that advice no matter how many kids you've had or how well you did with the ones before. It's like a disease that comes over people when they see babies.

[Melos]

This is reminding me of something that happened to me when my guys were little. I had just had my 2nd - he was probably 1 month old and in the car seat/carrier in the cart part of a shopping cart (where you put the groceries) and my older guy (just 1 years old) was sitting in the upper part. In those days it took me an extra hour to go anywhere because so many people would stop to look at the two little guys (older boys blonde curls and big blue eyes didn't help either).

This older woman came up to me and I plastered on the smile over the gritted teeth (just let me SHOP for goodness sake!) and proceeded to tell me that I have to cut my elder boys nails and this is how I should do it etc. etc. My son's nails were fine and I told her that. She started practically yelling that if he scratched the little guy I would be sorry that I hadn't listened to her when I had the chance. I practically ran away from her.

[Amy]

Unfortuantely, this is something you'll not be getting away from any time soon. My son is 17 1/2 and I still get advice from people on what I should be doing! I found that advice started while I was pregnant (with the worst horror story deliveries you'd ever want to hear) and from then on. I found you just have to be confident in the fact that you are the mom and know what's best.

[feline]

Well, as for me, I welcome advices especially if they are useful. Unwanted advices? Just pretend to listen but not really. What bugs me off most is when somebody tells me that my son is a brat after witnessing a single attitude problem and this happened before. I hate to hear these kinds of things, judging attitude and only to find out now, that they are wrong. Wish they'd attend more seminars on parenting and stop judging children.