Hi all -

This is fairly serious. My son is 17 1/2 - told us at 15 that he is gay. We accepted it from the get go and it has strengthened an already strong relationship. My son said he was had the strength to share this with us based on his knowing that we would "love him no matter what." As this is a maternity site, with mostly newborns and young children, I am asking that you all develop your relationships with your children with the long term in mind. We held a fairly firm hand with Abram - he always knew where he stood, what the rules and consequences were, truth in our relationship was paramount, and that we loved him unconditionally. I'm not saying our relationship is perfect - far from it, however the love is the basis and in all the newborn and childhood splendor, don't lose sight that your child is going to be a grown up some day and with a little luck, they'll come to you with anything in the safety that you will love them for who they are and not who you may "dream" them to be....

They don't choose themselves to be gay or lesbian or whatever way... we have to understand this. Although parents have dreams for their children, we must not forget that their happiness is the most important thing for only when they are happy that they can be good.

Feline - thanks. I couldn't agree more. It's funny how you start to notice people's perception of sexual orientation. We are in the college search for my son and the university that I work at is a Vincentian college. The woman in admissions thought she was being very welcoming by pointing out to Abe that they feel it's certianly a person's right to "choose" and that whatever their "choice", the college accepted it. I actually stopped counting at 25 times she used the word "choose". People don't choose to be gay anymore than they choose to be heterosexual. She truly was trying to be open and helpful, but didn't even realize the impression she was creating. (I am close enough to her tha I can provide some gentle education in this mattter in the weeks to come, and I believe she will be very amenable to it.)

Loving your child no matter what is paramount to being a parent, I think. Seeing some of these stories about kids murdering, raping, stealing on TV, I wonder how a parent could still love them. There is a difference, however, between loving a person and loving what they do.

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It is great to hear comments like these and believe that people are finally beginning to understand that being gay or lesbian is not a choice. My parents were so great when I told them and love no matter what is essential and my partner and I definitely are going to show our daughter the same thing.

I don't know what I would do in your situation, but I know I would still love my babies. I can't imagine what you went through when he told you, but I give you a lot of credit for being so understanding and loving.

Jaescafe - thanks, but no credit is due. I can't imagine being any other way. You know, I 've always had thAt "IRRATIONAL" mother's fear that I was gong to lose abram at a young age - leukemina or something. When he told me, my first thought was "so...this is how I am going to lose him - to a hate crime." My hardest thing with him telilng us was to get him to understand something like a crime like that. He is just so good, and yes, naive that things like that could happen "in our town." He's come to understand now to be aware of his surroundings and that people's fears can override "rational" behavior. Thanks for your kind words and suppor though....