Not sure where should I post this post, but here goes

what i noticed about my children during the teen years is that they sort of become quiet, like there's a gap between our communication that didn't exist when they were younger.

i guess teens do go through a lot of change during this time. i remember having a very difficult time during my teens. i felt misunderstood and i wasn't a social butterfly. i performed a lot with musical groups, be it marching band or in a dance band. but it seemed my own Dad and i never got a long most of the time.

i'm trying to do things to break the barrier, or keep my kids and me closer and stay connected. i don't know what else to do.

my youngest son and i have been playing "monopoly" a lot lately. that's a good game for bonding.

so, for you teenagers out there. are you doing okay and getting along with the parents?

i don't know if there are any parents here that have teenaged kids. i am alone here. but for you parents with young ones right now, how do you plan to cope when your children get into their teens?

My son is 17 and we have a great relationship , but it doesn't just happen. He talk s ALOT more to me than his dad and it's not just the gender thing. I create opportunities for him to talk - a drive inthe car, a walk around the block, an ice cream cone treat or jsut starting general conversatins and seeing where they're going. I hardly ever ask "so how was your day" - it;s the surest way to get a one word response. Walks are our best times. The other trick is to just listen - it bears repeating, just listen.....The more I refrain from interjecting a little advice or q clarifying questins, the more i learn and the more open our conversations become. Have patience, create opportunities and develop open ended conversations is my best advice. GOod luck!

I am a mother of 13 and I also felt this 'change' in him. Though he's still young at heart, as he's still a kid and his likes are still computer games and tv's, he's become secretive and when I encourage him to talk, he'll just say that he'll tell me important things... well, it is not fine with me so I still keep on asking him and talking and hugging him once in a while.

You keep hugging and talking - anythign t let him know that the door is always open. At some point, he'll need toknow he can come to you and not having pressured him now will pay off in the long run.

A friend of mine has a 14 year old son who really starting shutting out the rest of the family and got WAY moody.

Worried, and after a couple of tries at actually talking to him and getting "Nothing," she wrote him a letter. She explained that she loved him and wanted the best for him so she gets worried. She also told him that they never have to talk aloud about what was in the letter. She wrote about sex & drugs & growing up, etc. All very personal but not pushy.

He wrote back and actually shared some of his feelings. They have been writing back and forth for about 3 months now - NEVER talking aloud about what is in the letters - but at least connecting.

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Melos - that is great. Eventually, I bet her son will begin talking to her about these things instead of writing, but even if he doesn't, that's fine I think. ANy communication that gives an open channel with a trust factor involved is really priceless.

Yah, even if Mom and son argue and fight over some matters, the most important thing is there is communication and you know how your son feels and thinks for this is relevant in any relationship. If I don't know my son because he doesn't talk to me about many things, we might have a 'good' relationship but eventually, I might have a big problem because I might know it when it is already a grave case. (hopefully not)

Yeah, I think its pretty much inevitable that parents and teens will clash sometimes, even if they have a good relationship otherwise. That is true what you said feline. I think a lot of parents try to fix things with their troubled child when it is already too late.

We have had two issues come up in our life the past few years and in both cases (two years ago my son told us he is gay and we're also dealing with some depressive issues on his dad's part- pre announcment of our son by the way.) At any rate, in both cases, I established relationships with a counselor (two different gentlemen) between my son and the counselor. I felt it very important that I provide him with a place to go to if things got difficult for him and he felt he couldn't come to me or his dad. My son has seen them both - is very comfortable with them and knows how to contact them on his own. He appreciated it, but more importantly, I felt comforable that I had provided him with a safe resource to turn to in a possible time of need.

Writing letters like that is an excellent idea! Even if the teen would pretend like he or she didn't want to read it, I think they *would* eventually pick it up to read. More people should think of that... I think it would save a lot of heartache for parents of teens who won't talk.