Just one?

[Amy]

Due to a series of miscarriages and a high risk pregnancy, I chose tohave my tubes tied after our son was born, basically choosing to make him an only child (yes, we could have adopted, but didn't.) My question is has anyone also made a conscious decision to have just one child and what has been the reaction of others to your choice?

[Melos]

I have two children, so I can't comment on specific experiences with only one. But... I think people are going to comment on your family choices no matter what. "Only one? They'll be lonely" or "Two boys? Try for a girl!" (or vice versa) "Four? Isn't that too many?"

You know what you did is right for you. Nothing wrong with having an only child.

[jaescafe]

My sister-in-law had tried for years to have a baby and finally after many dollars and much stress she had a little boy. He just turned 1 in June. She says they would like to have another one, but will not go through all that stuff again and the dr said she more that likely won't get pregnant again unless she has help. So one little beautiful baby boy will probably be all they will ever have. I am just so happy they have one and he is happy and healthy.

[Amy]

Thanks both of you. The all time worst response we ever got was "What will you do if something happens to him?" As if we were supposed to have a "spare" to take his place. You had to know the woman who said it - she actually meant it that way!

[jaescafe]

Oh my goodness Amy that is terrible. Some people just don't think before they speak or just don't care how their words affect others. We have all thought "What will you do if something happens to them?" before and it doesn't matter how many kids you have it would be absolutely awful and unbearable.

[kelkat]

My husband is an only (adopted) child. My only suggestion is DON'T spoil him. (And don't tell my husband I said that). Let him try things, do things. Don't be over protective. My husband never experienced a single childhood disease (including chickenpox) because if his mother knew kids were breaking out she pulled him out of school. He was considerate enough to wait until after we were married before he got the chickenpox. It was miserable (for me.)

Your child is a blessing - so enjoy. Remember that people every where have an opinion and it doesn't make them right.

Also, you can always adopt if you want.

[jaescafe]

Kelkat gave good advise about not spoiling him/her. That is such a good point. We all spoil our children a little bit which is okay, but if they are babied too much they can become brats (not saying yours is because I am sure he/she is not).

[Sister]

I could never judge someone on the number of children they have. We have three children under the age of five including my stepdaughter, and we've gotten some incredibly rude comments from people about how we should stop now, that we have plenty, etc. I had to speak to my insurance about birth control and the children were chattering the backround and the lady said, "Sure sounds like you need it!" The rudeness of people is appalling!

[Amy]

Sister - I can't imagine someone saying that! How rude!!! Our friends have 8 (yes, eight) children and say they will have more if it happens. And, they home school as well. I give them a ton of credit. I don't know that I could do it. I also agree about the not spoiling. Abram is an only child, howevder spoiled is not something that anyone would ever say about him. We are so incredibly blessed that he is a truly remarkable young man.

[jaescafe]

I know of a family in the small town I grew up in of 2500 people who have like 15 or so kids plus some miscarriages. That seems like a bit much to me, but I would never in a million years say anything to them. It is really none of my business. I keep my opinions to myself in cases like this.