How Often Should a Spouse Go Out?

How many times a week is acceptable for a spouse to go out with his/her buddies? I’m now close to being 6 months pregnant with our first child (however, my husband’s second child), and my husband is out pretty much EVERY DAY with his friends. He thinks I’m the only one who has to deal with the baby until it’s born. Then, he claims, he’ll be home for us. I’ve read articles on this, and too many people say it’s NOT going to change. If he’s not here now, he never will be.

I’ve told him I don’t mind him going out 2-3 times a week. But I can’t remember the last time he came home without going out first. This past weekend he ditched me for lunch only to take me to a movie and then maternity shopping…his idea of making it up to me, I guess. But not 10 minutes after we got home, he told me he was going out again. I looked him in the eyes and told him I didn’t want him to go, I never get to spend any time with him. And he left anyways. I cried the rest of the night until he got home, and then told him I felt like he didn’t love me or even give a damn about me anymore. He hugged me and told me to stop crying, and told me he would change. He hasn’t. And I don’t think he will. He thinks he can bring me some ice cream home, and everything will be better.

I miss how we used to be best friends and do everything together before we found out I was pregnant. I miss talking to him, just spending time with him, even if it’s just watching our favorite tv show together. Now, I do everything alone while he’s out partying. When he DOES come home, he’s so worn out from all his partying that he just falls asleep. I’ve talked to him about this at least 5 times, and it might change for a day, and then he’s out for a week straight. I feel so alone! Am I being selfish? Should I wait to see if things change when the baby is born? I’m so scared this is how it’s going to be for the rest of our lives. This is not how a family behaves! And he’s had a child before, so I thought he would be more sympathetic towards me this time. He’s not. I know I can’t make him change, but where do I go from here?

[Amy]

Well, there's a lot going on here. Seeing as you've tried talking with your husband adn he's not receptive, maybe you should try a counselor. May sound a little extreme, but having an objective third party to help guide you to chaning this behavior (and yours as well- it's never just one person's problem) should be very helpful. Try to get this rolling before the baby comes - it will be much more difficult to work through then, but you should really get some changes happening now. Good luck and keep us posted!

[Melos]

I don't think talking to a counselor is too extreme... they are there to help you through tough times.
Honey... I feel for you. I went through the same thing. Remember this - you have every right in the world to be happy. You deserve to be happy. And expecting your husband, your partner, to spend time with you does NOT make you selfish.

[jaescafe]

I personally think one or two times a week with buddies is fine, but they should be spending a majority of their time off work at home or with his/her family. It's a good habit to get into while your child is young (or in your case still in your tummy) to get good family time in.